Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize