Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
