How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
