okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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