people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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