i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
