I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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