Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
