I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize