Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
