I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
