I think im going to throw up on grandma
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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