they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
