Michael Bay diarrhea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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