Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
