You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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