so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
