I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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