bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
