Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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