i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
