never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
