I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dicks are not precious.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
