I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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