I'm lost and stupid without you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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