Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
