I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just cropdusted the office
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
