i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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