So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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