He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
