We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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