I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
