I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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