yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
