i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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