we're chasing vodka with high fives
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
