I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
