she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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