Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
