I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
