i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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