I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize