I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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