In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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