Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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