yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
