areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
