Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
