Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
