the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
