whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
