I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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