we're chasing vodka with high fives
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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