is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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