im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
