my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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