It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
