I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
