u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
