A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shame is for Republicans.
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