So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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