New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
