i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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