everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
