Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
