so explain again why im purple
no
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
