worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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