I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
