Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
