i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Couch. On fire.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
